I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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