Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
