shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
