I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
