I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
