my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize