Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
smell my finger.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
