apparently the secret to your success is patron
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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