he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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