i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
