You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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