you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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