I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
