I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
