I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
