wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I won the penis lottery.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
