shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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