She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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