Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Non-Jews are for practice
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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