the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
