Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
