it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
