Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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