I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
