Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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