Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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