She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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