dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
