Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
