He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize