i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she pinky promised me she was 18
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize