I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sext me about skeletons
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
