We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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