Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
