i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
