god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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