i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
