The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
