I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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