How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
