He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
