i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
