I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
