Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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