He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
