things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
