Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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