you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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