you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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