Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
