had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
