i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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