She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
