How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
