My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
