Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
