splinters make it hard to masturbate
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
