How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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