break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
