Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
