i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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