i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize