I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
