I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
