when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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