Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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