I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
